I don't know what I want, so don't ask me...

I don't know if it's just the meds or if I should counter in my emotional stress that I don't want to be having as well. My mind is racing- and I want to crawl out of my skin. My psych called me back today after I called him 4x. I'm pretty sure he hates me. He basically said, go back on the exact same meds you were on before last week, do not lower any dosage and let your body even it out. WELL GREAT. This is why i hated the trial and error part of medication. This is what it felt like? ONE 1/2 weeks of not taking the "perfect" cocktail that I had stirred up to make me function has turned me into rambling freak that can't sleep.

Although to be honest, I don't know HOW much of it is ME emotionally and having things change in the last few weeks along with a medication change? How much of it is biochemistry and how much of it is mental? I do have to say- i don't think this mood instability/ complete lack of mood is 100% due to my change in medication.... it's probably... everything. Because I remember the appt I made w/my psych when he changed my meds. I was NOT a happy camper. NOT AT ALL. I spent the entire 45 minutes or whatever crying over Nancy and when he accused me of that...I practically knawed his head off....which is probably why he changed my meds to begin with. ---Normally when I see him I never say anything- other than I feel annoyed and want to throw a shoe out the window.

So... ugh. I feel like even when my blood chemistry levels out physiologically...things won't go back to how they were. Honestly, I can't remember what I'm remembering is me. I just know, I don't like where I am- and I realize now I've been struggling since Nancy told me about her leave. FAIL.

My first psych told me ...recovery was 40/60. 40%-meds and 60% - mentally trying.

Hopefully, tomorrow won't be like today. I was fine this morning, it was around noon when I started to get spacey- def not as bad as yesterday but I still didn't like it.


xoxo -Lisa