There could be a long version of who I am.. or a short version one...
At this moment and place in my recovery, I am going to chose to share the short version because I may be complicated but not as much as I sometimes think.
I'm a 27 year old graduate student living it up in one of the best cities in the US. I'm living my life and working on recovery. I don't feel the need to hash out my past in this section because I am me- right now and that is what matters.
I am writing this section and my giant cat PJ ( really, he is like a lion ) is laying next to me. This is me in this moment and this is
what matters.
Now onto the eating disorder- I've been held captive by my eating disorder for over a decade and I have finally chosen and continue to chose each day to break free.
Want to know when I first feel like I truly started recovery? I wasn't in a treatment center
I was outpatient. I was learning how to live my LIFE AND RECOVER at the same time. And holy shit- It was and is still hard to do both...but it's worth it. And ---I won't lie- I needed a kick in the butt which sometimes the treatment centers gave me but what made the difference was
1. Having an absolutely wonderful outpatient treatment team
2. Finding an identity outside of being the patient.
Recovery is a journey- a lifelong one. I found and am continuing to find an identity out side of being the girl with the eating disorder. I have found things about myself that I like- things unrelated to my eating disorder.
Don't get me wrong- I still struggle- somedays worse than others but knowing that I have a life right now that I don't want to lose.
That is what keeps me alive.
