"Bear in mind you have a life to live. There is an incredible loss. There is a profound grief. And there is, in the end, after a long time and more work than you ever thought possible, a time when it gets easier." -Marya Hornbacher

Saturday, January 15, 2011

I'm not with stupid anymore. I'm done self destructing.

I'm done doing this. I'm done self destructing. 
I can't continue this mentally or physically. My body is falling apart. I am tired all the time, my head always hurts and I'm always dizzy. This is not in any way worth it because I don't even care how I look, I'm just giving in to the easiest habits, the ones I don't have to really think about and the ones I'm comfortable with.

Well- that has got to fucking change. I can no longer do this. It's too miserable and exhausting ( literally ). It's not worth it- I don't even know why I'm doing it really. 

I'm done giving in- I'm going to start swimming. I'm sick and tired , literally , of just hurting myself, literally too. 
Like the picture says- I'm no longer with stupid. ED is a fucking stupid relationship and I'm done. I'm walking away for once. Go to fucking hell. Seriously and please stay there dammit.

xoxo -Lisa
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6 comments:

  1. ChoonJanuary 15, 2011 at 5:13 PM

    :) I KNOW you can do it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousJanuary 15, 2011 at 5:54 PM

    It's never worth it.

    Never back down, never give in. You can do this. It is truly an exhausting way to live - and really, it isn't living at all. There are lives out there for us to enjoy.

    Stay strong. <3

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousJanuary 15, 2011 at 7:10 PM

    But let me be clear-- I am really sorry you are so worn out. But at the same time I'm kind of glad. I mean, I would NEVER wish you any pain, but I think sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they can turn themselves around. Get rid of this fucker. Use your anger and exhaustion as motivators.

    NOS

    ReplyDelete
  4. AlanJanuary 15, 2011 at 7:18 PM

    All I can say, is stay strong, stay objective on it. And don't worry about what may or may not happen!
    I'm sorry you got to the point of total exhaustion, I know how that can be, but it's excellent grounds for building a new bridge.
    I have faith in you, keep placing those feet in front of each other :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. HaleyJanuary 15, 2011 at 8:46 PM

    I know what you mean about just doing it cuz it's easy and comfortable. Just because then you'll have something to hold onto. But why in the world would we WANT to hold onto this stupid disease that is slowly, painfully killing us?! I don't care how comfortable it is. It ISN'T worth it. You're right. I love your attitude. You're going to do great. Stay positive :)
    <3 Haley

    ReplyDelete
  6. Boston FemmeJanuary 17, 2011 at 1:22 AM

    I love your attitude, Lisa! Keep channeling the anger towards your ED and letting it fuel your determination to recover. You deserve so much more than life with an ED- just through interacting with you in the "blog world" I can tell what an incredible person you are with so much to offer the world. It's hard as hell, but you can beat this. Keep fighting, one moment at a time. <3

    ReplyDelete

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"Feeling are ephemeral, so is life. We’re here one moment and we’re gone the next. If you keep living trying to protect yourself, nothing is every going to touch you."