Why Be Afraid?

 "Although painful to look back on I share some of my story with the hopes that it helps someone. I would not wish this struggle on my worst enemy but at the same time I am grateful that I went through this in some way. When you go through a life threatening circumstance so young in life it humbles you. It makes you realize you have a second shot at life- don’t waste it. I learned a lot about myself recovering and I mostly learned to not be afraid in life. Things we think are so big: job interviews, college applications, asking someone out. Why be afraid? When things scare me I think of how I could have lost my life but I didn’t and nothing else seems scary or too hard to face. I am not going to let any opportunity pass by without giving it a shot. What’s the worst that can happen? Embarassment? Disapointment? You can handle those things. Trust me- life, love, happiness, going after your dreams- they are all well worth the risk. Life is short- live it FEARLESSLY." -Christina Zapata - article below



http://consciousmagazine.co/national-eating-disorder-awareness-month/

 http://consciousmagazine.co/national-eating-disorder-awareness-month/

xoxo -Lisa

feelings aren't always planned

yesterday went really well.

today was going really well.

now I am sad. It came on randomly. I'm having a hard time remembering why everything that just happened was the right decision. I need to remember somehow- maybe write it down.

sigh...


xoxo -Lisa

Sleep? what is that?

I don't know- ever since the break up- I haven't been wanting to go to sleep.

I got back from a crazy busy day around 9:30 PM- skyped with a good fiend for an hour or so

then decided to lean my entire apartment top to bottom. And then... I don't know what I've done the last 30 minutes. I know I'm tired but I just don't want to go to sleep. Maybe it's because I know when I wake up , it's another day that's added to my life without Brian. And you know what, that's okay... after speaking with my therapist ( who I've seen 4 out of the last 6 days but it's helped SO much ) I've realized that it wouldn't have worked out. We didn't have any surface problems at all but he was co dependent in the sense of always letting me do or say what I wanted probably because he was scared I'd relapse if he said otherwise ( def of co dependent ). I miss him and I have no resentment towards him. In fact right now, I'm worried about him but....I just need to stay busy...

but not too busy to where I might have a nervous break down and yeah...


xoxo -Lisa

It's not the first time

This isn't the first time i have had a relationship fail. however, it i the first time that i was coaxed into trusting to not believe my gut and believe that people can change and grow up- that they aren't always what they were in the past. i still do believe that. Just no longer in my particular situation.

Everything you promised you wouldn't do again- well- almost identically- it's happening and I can't even bring myself to resent you for it. fuck me.

Just for those of you that are worried, i'm safe, I'm fine- whatever, I'm not planning on jumping in front of a train-I am however happy that they are replacing the old dominic's at DePaul with a whole foods. Random? Sorry- that's how my mind goes.  But right now- I wish I could be angry but I can't. And I'm sick of crying myself to sleep every damn night. FUCKING SICK OF IT. and if my parents happen to be reading this for some reason  ( which I hope they haven't found this blog but who knows)- going home- moving home for a bit- how is that going to help? I'll just fall asleep crying in Indiana where I have no support other than family instead of Chicago where I have way more friends than I originally thought.

 xoxo -Lisa