The week was rough, to put it lightly. I went down to Emory ( my alma mater ) and spoke to a group of college students about my journey to recovery and what I believe can help others. I spoke about recovery. It's different this time. I want recovery.
I've been speaking about that a lot lately with others. Through whatever social media site it is- it's amazing to know that my experience can mean something to someone else. It still astounds me when someone tells me that I touched their lives. However, I love it when people send me emails or messages saying that I've touched their lives and they appreciate what I've said. Frankly, sometimes I don't remember certain conversations I had with someone and they thank me for what I said months later. These are the things that keep me going - with this blog and my YT channel. These are the things that help me push through the hard days when there is a camera shoved in my face ( for the documentary). These are the things that truly are helping me want to live again and have a future. So, for those of you who have contacted me- thank you. SO MUCH. It also goes the other way around. Other people can just say the smallest thing and it can make such a huge difference to me. I thank everyone who has listened to me bitch, cry, scream and just rant and speak. Emotions...yeah- that's a new concept to me. I can finally cry again after months of not being able to.
However, sometimes I feel like such a fucking fraud. Yes, I know- recovery isn't perfect. There will be lapses, hiccups and A LOT of screw ups along the way. However, I feel like I should be doing better. I worry that people see me as someone who is doing better than I actually am. I fuck up. A LOT. I'm far from being recovered. I'm fighting harder than I have before. A lot harder and that's what matters to me- I just don't want anyone to have a false impression of me.
I am human. I am recovering from an eating disorder- I have a TON of work left to do in therapy. I see myself being in therapy for quite a few more years if not longer. I have so much work left to do. Thinking about it sometimes is just overwhelming. I'm trying to just take it one day at a time. I just want to be honest with everyone about who I am and where I am in my recovery. I am 27 days self harm free and 3 days purge free. I can't say I'm following my meal plan to a T but I'm trying to get in the nutrition I need. I'm doing what I can for now and I have a long way to go. But I am going to do it. I'm going to make it. Why? Because I want to.
xoxo -Lisa
I've been speaking about that a lot lately with others. Through whatever social media site it is- it's amazing to know that my experience can mean something to someone else. It still astounds me when someone tells me that I touched their lives. However, I love it when people send me emails or messages saying that I've touched their lives and they appreciate what I've said. Frankly, sometimes I don't remember certain conversations I had with someone and they thank me for what I said months later. These are the things that keep me going - with this blog and my YT channel. These are the things that help me push through the hard days when there is a camera shoved in my face ( for the documentary). These are the things that truly are helping me want to live again and have a future. So, for those of you who have contacted me- thank you. SO MUCH. It also goes the other way around. Other people can just say the smallest thing and it can make such a huge difference to me. I thank everyone who has listened to me bitch, cry, scream and just rant and speak. Emotions...yeah- that's a new concept to me. I can finally cry again after months of not being able to.
xoxo -Lisa
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