It's been well over a month- almost 2 since I've updated here. Looking back and just reading my past posts, I've realized what I had forgotten. I remember always telling friends and even myself when things were difficult that nothing stays the same for long.
Last year around this time- I was enrolled in graduate school, living in Atlanta, numb, anorexic, engaging in risky behavior among other things.
Today- I am packed to head off to Madison, WI to go visit, working part time, looking into getting my masters in secondary education, in eating disorder recovery and my mood is incredibly more stable. For a long time, I wanted to do and achieve everything on my own because people and relationships are ephemeral. Yet, I've realized that without people in my life- it's bland, boring, lonely and I can only get so far in recovery. I have an incredibly amount of support in my life right now- sometimes more accountability that I'd like...well, my eating disorder would like but at the same time- it keeps me on track.
My role in life- mostly my own and hopefully in others as well has changed. I'm no longer playing the sick one. I am playing a friend, daughter, girlfriend, cat mother ( haha... don't judge ). Part of this has helped me grow and recover. Realizing I am other things have motivated me and given me confidence that I can do other things as well.
Lately, I have had this feeling that with time- things will be okay. Part of this is frustrating because I am wondering why and when will things be that okay. I've also realized- that right now- I am okay. This okay feeling will just continue. Things will never be picture perfect and I don't expect it to be that way- all I want is to someday be okay...and I know I will be.
xoxo -Lisa
Last year around this time- I was enrolled in graduate school, living in Atlanta, numb, anorexic, engaging in risky behavior among other things.
Today- I am packed to head off to Madison, WI to go visit, working part time, looking into getting my masters in secondary education, in eating disorder recovery and my mood is incredibly more stable. For a long time, I wanted to do and achieve everything on my own because people and relationships are ephemeral. Yet, I've realized that without people in my life- it's bland, boring, lonely and I can only get so far in recovery. I have an incredibly amount of support in my life right now- sometimes more accountability that I'd like...well, my eating disorder would like but at the same time- it keeps me on track.
My role in life- mostly my own and hopefully in others as well has changed. I'm no longer playing the sick one. I am playing a friend, daughter, girlfriend, cat mother ( haha... don't judge ). Part of this has helped me grow and recover. Realizing I am other things have motivated me and given me confidence that I can do other things as well.
Lately, I have had this feeling that with time- things will be okay. Part of this is frustrating because I am wondering why and when will things be that okay. I've also realized- that right now- I am okay. This okay feeling will just continue. Things will never be picture perfect and I don't expect it to be that way- all I want is to someday be okay...and I know I will be.
xoxo -Lisa
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