I've started E-IOP and I really do like it. The girls are honest...and I love that. I love the brutal honesty and the fact that if one is struggling- you can outright see and hear them say it all. I'm struggling- right there with them but isn't that what an ED is? A roller coaster of struggles and good times? Thus, I'm overwhelmed BUT i'm also pretty happy at the same time. I LOVE it here- it's beautiful and I feel finally more free of myself. I know I'm still struggling hardcore with my ED but my BPD issues have depleted a lot. I don't feel like I can't live without my therapist nor do I feel like I just can't handle anything at all. Alex said she's never seen/heard me so happy :)
I don't have a therapist here yet...I really like Karen, the clinical director of the E-IOP program- I wish she could be my therapist. Finding a therapist is really hard and it's hard for one to live up to my expectations after my last experiences with Nancy and Amy.
My brain is so full of stuff right now- I can barely process much. I honestly don't have a lot to say, except that this eating disorder fight is pissing me off- majorly. I just want it to go away but yet I want to hold onto it really badly. So, thus I'm ambivalent at this moment and I hate the ambivalence.
I meet with my dietician today for the first time- I know she's going to weigh me and that pisses me off because I b/p yesterday and I DO NOT like my weight today at all. I'm actually totally scared to see her and see what meal plan she wants me to follow- I was talking to one of the girls in my group and it's so hard to follow a fucking meal plan when I'm not ready to gain weight...
I'm still in one of those states where I think the meal plans that ED facilities give us are slightly ridiculous. How many "normal - non- ED " people eat 3 meals and 3 snacks a day on a rigid schedule? I know it's to train us to eat intuitively but I'm just... I donno. fucking ED
and I really LOVE my nails :) haha.
xoxo -Lisa
I don't have a therapist here yet...I really like Karen, the clinical director of the E-IOP program- I wish she could be my therapist. Finding a therapist is really hard and it's hard for one to live up to my expectations after my last experiences with Nancy and Amy.
My brain is so full of stuff right now- I can barely process much. I honestly don't have a lot to say, except that this eating disorder fight is pissing me off- majorly. I just want it to go away but yet I want to hold onto it really badly. So, thus I'm ambivalent at this moment and I hate the ambivalence.
I meet with my dietician today for the first time- I know she's going to weigh me and that pisses me off because I b/p yesterday and I DO NOT like my weight today at all. I'm actually totally scared to see her and see what meal plan she wants me to follow- I was talking to one of the girls in my group and it's so hard to follow a fucking meal plan when I'm not ready to gain weight...
and I really LOVE my nails :) haha.
xoxo -Lisa
i also love your nails and need to visit you sometime and see why everyone loves Denver (and cause i miss you)...
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting my blog! I've bookmarked yours and will be sure to check for new stuff regularly. :) Keep fighting the good fight!
ReplyDeleteHey Lisa, I'm glad you like the program and are so positive about it. That's a good thing!!! :) I hope you make the most out of it. Good luck!
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