Welcome to my brain- I advise you to get out- NOW.
-Borderline individuals feel emotions more easily, more deeply, and for longer than others do.
When I feel something- I feel it down to my core- whether I like it or not. FUCK MY LIFE.
Individuals with BPD are especially sensitive to feelings of rejection, isolation, and perceived failure. Before learning other coping mechanisms, their efforts to manage or escape from their intense negative emotions can lead to self-injury or suicidal behavior
I've finally got the suicidal thoughts under control- THANK GOD.
-Borderline individuals feel emotions more easily, more deeply, and for longer than others do.
When I feel something- I feel it down to my core- whether I like it or not. FUCK MY LIFE.
Individuals with BPD are especially sensitive to feelings of rejection, isolation, and perceived failure. Before learning other coping mechanisms, their efforts to manage or escape from their intense negative emotions can lead to self-injury or suicidal behavior
I've finally got the suicidal thoughts under control- THANK GOD.
People with BPD are often aware of the intensity of their negative emotional reactions and, since they cannot regulate them, shut them down entirely.
Well, I either feel something down to my core- or I don't feel anything at all. No middle ground. I will feel so intensely that I will shut down because it's too intense. Then nothing can bring me back unless it's another intense situation. Lovely cycle I have going on there. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
A BPD diagnosis was strongly associated with a combination of three specific states: 1) feeling betrayed, 2) “feeling like hurting myself”, and 3) feeling completely out of control.
Is this person reading my journal? Stop it.
1. You walked away- thus, you betrayed me.
2. You betrayed me- thus, I'm going to hurt myself
3. You walked away, betrayed me and I hurt myself- I STILL miss you, thus- I'm out of control.
I LIVE off control. I NEED control. I HATE not having control.
Individuals with BPD can be very sensitive to the way others treat them and feelings about others often shift from positive to negative after a disappointment, a perceived threat of losing someone, or a perceived loss of esteem in the eyes of someone they value.
You're definitely going to leave me so I'm going to walk away first because you suck now. WAIT WHAT!?! Who said they were leaving me? NO ONE. WTF.
While strongly desiring intimacy, borderline individuals tend toward insecure, avoidant or ambivalent, or fearfully preoccupied attachment patterns in relationships and they often view the world as generally dangerous and malevolent.
Can I have a hug, oh wait- no I don't really want one. ( but no really, I do ) Oh, it's okay- don't worry about it ( YES WORRY ABOUT IT ) - okay seriously, say what YOU THINK. Stop beating around the bush.
xoxo -Lisa
Lisa, so appreciate your honesty and the ability to share your pain here as best you can. Glad somethings are coming together for you. Safe hugs to you always.
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