Getting to where I am now in my eating disorder recovery

February 24th-March 1st is NEDAwareness (National Eating Disorder Association ) Week. These year's theme is "Everybody Knows Somebody" I'm going to share part of my story below. There are a few very personal things about my life that I have never mentioned online (whether it be through here or youtube).

8 treatment centers. 1 ICU stay. 1 hospital stay. This has been my last 3 years. My name is Lisa Guo. I am 24 and a 2010 graduate from Emory University. I worked hard throughout all 16 years of my schooling. However, I haven't been able to put this hard earned degree to good use. Instead, I spent the last 3 years after my graduation in and out of treatment for an eating disorder. I can't remember a time in my life where food wasn't at least on the back of my mind. My first behavior started at age 14 and it's been a spiral ever since then. Up until 2010- my behaviors were consistently inconsistent- from 2010 to 2012- my behaviors were out of control.

I was admitted to my first treatment center fresh out of graduation from college in June of 2010. Everything since then has been treatment, a job I never kept because I had to go back into treatment and the cycle just repeated. I soon realized that it was either recovery or death.

Death didn't scare me at this point. I had been struggling with suicidal thoughts for quite some time and honestly at times, death seemed like to be the best option

In May of 2012 I got accepted into a masters program for clinical mental health counseling. Irony huh? It was also in May that I got an abortion and a DUI. A few days after my arrest I decided that if I were dead, things would be easier for everyone around me. I didn't see it as a selfish act- instead as me being selfLESS. I had been hoarding my medication for a long time as a safety blanket. I impulsively took as many as I could and laid down on my bathroom floor ready for the struggle to be over. I woke up a few days later in the ICU.

I spent the next week or so re-learning how to walk and basically every necessary motor skill to stay alive. The one thing I didn't learn was how to nourish my body. I was then shipped off to treatment AGAIN. I had promised myself to never have to go back to treatment however, this time- I had no choice. I was admitted to Timberline Knolls in Chicago and spent the first month angry and frustrated that I was alive. However after spending 4 months there and then 3 months stepping down levels of treatment. This time discharging was different than the other 7 times- I left behavior free and with motivation to recover. This was a new concept to me.

I am ready to live my life and I no longer want to die. A big part of my recovery has been advocacy and being active in the recovery community. I learned that the recovery community welcomes everyone with open arms. I had been making youtubevideos and blogging about my recovery for a few years, so I was aware of how supportive the online community was. However, just like any other community- there were triggers and it was something I had to watch out for. But, I had never really looked into the REAL life recovery community. Since then, I have become involved with Project Heal and am taking part in a documentary called "Someday I'll Be Okay" that will hopefully be out and ready to view by NEDAwareness Week next year in 2014.

Being active in the community has helped me realize that there is hope, there are success stories out there and that it IS possible. For the longest time, I didn't think recovery was for me- I just thought I wasn't strong enough and that others could do it but me- no, I was terminally unique and just wasn't strong enough. However, I was wrong - I AM strong enough. Since realizing this- I have been invited to be a speaker in an event on Emory's campus to share my story and help spread hope about recovery and am taking part in an alumni panel for Timberline Knolls. These amazing opportunities are things I had only dreamed of doing and now that I have the chance- I am taking them and not looking back. Now that I have seen a little bit of recovery, I want more of it. All of the trauma, pain, struggle and fighting has been worth it. I don't regret and wouldn't take back anything that I've been through no matter how painful it was/is because I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't have an amazing story to share and I wouldn't have the self awareness that I do.

It has been a long and intense journey these last few years. I have had a lot of help and support. I have gained many friends and at the same time- lost many friends but in the end- as I said before- it has all been worth it. Recovery is worth it and it IS possible. Hope is out there- I just had to believe it and want it. I know I will be fighting for a long time- potentially the rest of my life. I am no longer dreading this fight but ready to take it on full force with the knowledge that I can win in the end. 

 

1 out of every 2 people know someone struggling with a eating disorder or are struggling themselves. So in honor of this year's theme ( Everybody Knows Somebody )- to everyone out there- if you know someone who is struggling- give them a hug, let them know you believe in them and support them through their fight. If you are currently in the fight, given up for now or feel like giving up- know that you're worth it, people believe in you ( even if you don't think so ) and that there is HOPE and that recovery is possible.

xoxo -Lisa