"Bear in mind you have a life to live. There is an incredible loss. There is a profound grief. And there is, in the end, after a long time and more work than you ever thought possible, a time when it gets easier." -Marya Hornbacher

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Letter From Body - Eating disorder recovery version


When I was in treatment 2 years ago around this exact time ( February 2011 ) - we had two assignments. 
  1. To write a letter to your body
  2. To have your body write a letter back to you.
My first thought was ..."wtf- how do I have my body write back to me? I don't have multiple personalities, wtf"  but then I started writing- and it just flowed . 

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I made a video last night that goes with this letter

 

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Dear Lisa,

I forgive you, even though I shouldn't. You've put me through hell and back. I won't leave you- despite your most futile attempts to get rid of me. I will not disappear. You have abused me in so many ways in the 24 years of your life. You have starved, hurt and mistreated me. Despite this, I will fight to stay in your life. Why? Because you ARE worth it.

My legs, they were meant for carrying you around this god-awful world. They aren't too big. They're supposed to touch at the thighs. Stop wishing they didn't. Your legs aren't too long or too short. Your height is just fine. Also, stop being so mean to your legs- put the razor away. Your legs move you forward in life- literally. Appreciate them.

My arms- well without them, you wouldn't be able to write this letter or anything for that matter. They're not fat, they are just fine the way they are. It's okay, you don't need Michelle Obama arms. Again, stop being so mean to your arms. Stop taking a razor to them. They deserve better. Appreciate them.

My hands, you've always been okay with them. Thank you for that. Just please get a manicure at some point in the near future. Thank you for appreciating them.

My feet, well they're small enough that you can wear children's shoes. That makes shopping easier and your wallet happier. Appreciate them.

My stomach- moment of truth. Stop hating on it. It holds what keeps you alive. It holds the energy to keep going with life, it's called food. Stop hating on food as well. Your stomach isn't meant to be flat as if it were photoshopped. Love it for what it is. Just try and learn to appreciate it. I know it's hard, but just try.

My eyes- well without those thick glasses, they wouldn't work. So thank you for getting glasses, at the ripe old age of 5. Your eyes, well they're Asian. Just like you- your lashes will never be luxuriously long. Thank you for not putting the fake glue stuff on it. Also, try not to wear your eye make up to bed so often. If you continue to do so- you might lose the little vision you have. So, appreciate your eyes, even for the little vision they give you.

My nose, other than those annoying blackheads that don't seem to ever go away, you've never complained about it. Thanks for appreciating it.

My mouth, well without it you couldn't be the loud person you are. How would you cause the ruckus you do without your mouth? It makes you who you are. Without it, you wouldn’t be able to tell that bitch in the corner to please just STFU. Without it, you wouldn't be able to tell that non-existent elusive boyfriend of yours that you love and care for him. Appreciate that you can do that.

My boobs, well. Stop wishing they were smaller. That's not possible. They're barely there are it is. You're a grown woman, they aren't going anywhere. Just learn to accept them for what they are and like them. Men do, or so they say.

My hair- stop flat ironing it. You're Asian, your hair is straight enough. Stop dying it black, you're Asian- it's already black. Appreciate it for what it naturally is.

My brain, well. Sometimes you like it, sometimes you don't. Just accept it.

And last but not least my scars- don't let them embarrass you. However, stop making friends for them to play with. They have enough of them. Leave them alone. Appreciate the story they tell but stop adding onto the past stories and leave them be.

All in all, so even though you hate me sometimes- I forgive you. Just please try to appreciate me.

Love,
Body.


15 comments:

  1. You are so funny. I didn't realize it until I read this letter.

    I too hope that you're able to love your body.

    With care....


    ReplyDelete
  2. Lisa, this is beautiful! It sounds like a really good exercise.

    I'm so glad to be back and reading your blog again. I'm looking forward to getting caught up.

    Be well,
    NOS

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"Feeling are ephemeral, so is life. We’re here one moment and we’re gone the next. If you keep living trying to protect yourself, nothing is every going to touch you."