I don't know...

Despite the bitching that this post has, I'm trying to be hopeful but sometimes I wonder why I even try...

I'm flying back to Denver (I wonder what I have to do to become a flight attendant?) and my lay-over was in Atlanta. I had to pretend I wasn't there in Atlanta. I miss my friends there...a lot. I was talking to J and A while I was at the airport and pissed as shit that was like 20 miles down the road from them and couldn't see them and probably won't get to see either again for quite a long time.

Then on top of all that, the one therapist that I was hoping for told me she no longer takes my insurance and charges $125/hr which is actually cheap for a psychologist but I saw Nancy and Amy ( out of insurance network ) for about 9 months and ran bank accounts dry by doing that= so thus, I can't see someone who doesn't take insurance again. FML. Why do some medical professionals not take insurance?

I'm supposed to do an intake at the Charis center for ED Monday. Hopefully someone I'll be able to get some decent therapy and support there because God knows I need it. I've gone over a month without anything stable and supportive when I used to never go more than 2-3 days without speaking to Nancy... the fact that I've hung on without trying to commit suicide astounds me ( although in all honesty, I've thought about admitting myself to the acute unit a few times.. :-/ ). I've been crying a lot more- I feel as since Nancy told me she was going to go on medical leave-- since then in november, i've cried more in these last 4-5 months than I ever have in my entire life.

xoxo -Lisa