I chose the stern one. My gut was telling me that was what I needed to do. I'm scared and I had a dream that the Charis center switched me to a different therapist because she didn't want me/they decided I was too much for her. weird dream...
Also- I realized this morning- I've lost my hunger/fullness cues...AGAIN. fml. I can't eat and eat and won't realize i'm full until I'm massively stuffed and need to purge. I HATE IT. I haven't gone one day without purging in a long time. I had a bit of a slip up this morning- REFLUX ( hate it ) but I'm not counting it. TODAY WILL BE DAY 1. I hope. My family won't be home for most of it so I'm not sure...I'm scared to be honest. I want it to be be day 1 but I'm just not sure...I'm just hoping. I want to be able to eat like a normal person without feeling like a pregnant manatee. I want to feel satiated without stuffing myself to the core and then purging. I want to stop bloating myself with my purging. I JUST WANT THINGS TO EVEN OUT...why is it so damn hard?
xoxo -Lisa
Also- I realized this morning- I've lost my hunger/fullness cues...AGAIN. fml. I can't eat and eat and won't realize i'm full until I'm massively stuffed and need to purge. I HATE IT. I haven't gone one day without purging in a long time. I had a bit of a slip up this morning- REFLUX ( hate it ) but I'm not counting it. TODAY WILL BE DAY 1. I hope. My family won't be home for most of it so I'm not sure...I'm scared to be honest. I want it to be be day 1 but I'm just not sure...I'm just hoping. I want to be able to eat like a normal person without feeling like a pregnant manatee. I want to feel satiated without stuffing myself to the core and then purging. I want to stop bloating myself with my purging. I JUST WANT THINGS TO EVEN OUT...why is it so damn hard?
xoxo -Lisa
It is so tempting to purge when we overeat but in the end it isn't good for us. I used to be bulimic and struggle almost everyday with the urge to vomit but it just isn't healthy and we should treat ourselves as temples. You are precious and your body is a sensitive and delicate thing that should be treated with great care.
ReplyDeleteI am so unbelievably proud of you for choosing the stern one. I know that took some guts but you need someone who will call you out. It will be so good for you to be completely honest with the therapist. I am just so happy your taking such big steps to help yourself.
Also, stop by my blog cause my most recent Just For You music project is dedicated to you.
ReplyDeleteOh hun I know what you mean. I got MEGA bloated in the first few months of recovery and I really struggled, but I promise you the bloat goes down.
ReplyDeleteReally proud of you, you're doing well!
xxx