so day 3 came and went...before day 3 was over---in other words- I screwed up. It's day 0. I already screwed up a bit this morning. Tomorrow can be day 1 and WILL BE day 1. :)
...I don't know how I went from residential to now. I don't know WHERE the four months went. I guess I went to denver... then came home? But how in those 4 months did I let myself slide from eating 6x a day to struggling to keep ANYTHING down and weighing myself daily again? WHERE?! I remember when i first got to Denver- I was eating Einstein's Bagels...would I even touch that now? I wish. Soon though. Soon.
but I HAVE TO DO THIS (video link) -
I have no choice, unless I want to die. ( which most of the times, I don't..)
I don't have the option of residential, inpatient or any of those types of treatments. Not now, not with my job and my hours increasing, me moving up, no...I can't mess all that up because of my ED. Not happening.
THOR CAN GO TO HELL DAMMIT. ( I did just eat a grilled cheese and have NO intent of "barfing my brains out" <---- as my therapist calls purging. )
I CAN DO THIS. I HAVE to do this. I will die if I don't. literally. If I keep sliding and don't catch myself- one day Thor will kill me....
xoxo -Lisa
...I don't know how I went from residential to now. I don't know WHERE the four months went. I guess I went to denver... then came home? But how in those 4 months did I let myself slide from eating 6x a day to struggling to keep ANYTHING down and weighing myself daily again? WHERE?! I remember when i first got to Denver- I was eating Einstein's Bagels...would I even touch that now? I wish. Soon though. Soon.
but I HAVE TO DO THIS (video link) -
I have no choice, unless I want to die. ( which most of the times, I don't..)
I don't have the option of residential, inpatient or any of those types of treatments. Not now, not with my job and my hours increasing, me moving up, no...I can't mess all that up because of my ED. Not happening.
THOR CAN GO TO HELL DAMMIT. ( I did just eat a grilled cheese and have NO intent of "barfing my brains out" <---- as my therapist calls purging. )
I CAN DO THIS. I HAVE to do this. I will die if I don't. literally. If I keep sliding and don't catch myself- one day Thor will kill me....
xoxo -Lisa
beautiful girl, you are doing absolutely brilliantly :) i think about you every day, sending you lots of love!!! :D
ReplyDeleteIf I could catch you,....I would.
ReplyDeleteHang in there Lisa. You can do it, one day at a time.
ReplyDeletebe strong lisa...xxx
ReplyDeleteI feel for ya, girl! I'm just ending Day 2 of my No Purging. It feels GREAT! But it's also quite depressing that two days without throwing up is considered a great victory for me. But we can do this, we are strong!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.comfortableinmygenes.blogspot.com