"Bear in mind you have a life to live. There is an incredible loss. There is a profound grief. And there is, in the end, after a long time and more work than you ever thought possible, a time when it gets easier." -Marya Hornbacher

Thursday, June 2, 2011

After a 7 AM appointment

I feel better...I spoke with my therapist and she constantly reminded me that she cares, that the reason she couldn't respond to my email and phone calls were because of something personal that happened. She wasn't ignoring me and telling me to go do this myself. She is well aware that I CANNOT do this myself. We discussed how she would respond when she does and things such as that. I think I can work w/this. If not, we also discussed maybe that I need a therapist that can offer different things... I don't want to be kicked out again...

In terms of my ED- All I hear is this "I JUST WANT TO BE SKINNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYY" Yeah, having a hard time coping with my weight and what I eat. It sounds so vain and stupid. please don't judge me. I wish this were easier. I see others eat and I wish I could do the same...I started using laxatives but I told my therapist I'd take things one day at a time and not take any...for today.

I can do this?


xoxo -Lisa
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8 comments:

  1. AnonymousJune 2, 2011 at 9:14 AM

    I can relate to everything you said in your second paragraph. Really, I can. I had/have a laxative problem, but I have learned that taking them will only make things worse-- after a while your body stops being able to digest and you'll end up constipated and physically dependent on those pills. Now, I totally understand the purpose they serve in our minds, but it's really not helping us. Throw them away with me!

    Wishing you well,
    NOS

    ReplyDelete
  2. BillJune 2, 2011 at 9:33 AM

    "I can do this?"

    Yes, you can do this!

    ReplyDelete
  3. EmilyJune 2, 2011 at 1:45 PM

    I know this sounds weird since I don't know you personally, but I care about you. I give a shit. I am in this war with you. You deserve to live a happy life. Not taking the laxatives is a solid step forward. You can do this.

    -Emily

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousJune 2, 2011 at 2:47 PM

    I am so proud of you for sticking with your therapist. Sometimes we all need tough love. As far as the laxatives go....try not to take them. I used to abuse laxatives to and it just isn't necessary to take them. As you said take it one day at a time. HUGS

    ReplyDelete
  5. SairsJune 2, 2011 at 3:13 PM

    I know the ED thoughts can be really hard to cope with having had them for five and a half years. You are not alone and you can get better. I still have the skinny thoughts myself, even though I am recovered. I don't think it will ever completely go away but you can learn to ignore it and accept your body the way you are, it just takes a lot of work. You can do this, I know you can, I have faith in you. Also I agree with In the Pink, try not to use the laxatives. They do more harm than good. Be kind to yourself.
    *hugs*
    Sarah

    ReplyDelete
  6. katherineJune 2, 2011 at 4:48 PM

    you TOTALLY have this :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. PTCJune 2, 2011 at 10:18 PM

    Could you see her more often or could you go back into treatment?

    ReplyDelete
  8. JCJune 2, 2011 at 11:26 PM

    I want to be skinny too.
    I just would rather get facial treatments. :P

    ReplyDelete

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"Feeling are ephemeral, so is life. We’re here one moment and we’re gone the next. If you keep living trying to protect yourself, nothing is every going to touch you."