"Bear in mind you have a life to live. There is an incredible loss. There is a profound grief. And there is, in the end, after a long time and more work than you ever thought possible, a time when it gets easier." -Marya Hornbacher

Friday, May 27, 2011

Learning to be alone...

...with most of my friends having graduated college... it's really a time for everyone to kind of learn how to be alone. Graduating college means that your social circle scatters, people leave for home, jobs and whatever else takes them away from where they just spent the last 4 years of their lives. 4 years of torture, fun, love and hate all at the same time...

I had to learn how to be alone last year, after I graduated and lived on my own. I was lucky that a lot of my friends were still in atl....but now having moved home ( yes, back to the ole nesty nest ) where I'm reconnecting with old friends but at the same time- I'm more alone that ever in a way. I may be home because I needed someone to take care of me ( thank you eating disorder for taking away my freedom ) but I feel alone- really alone. But I need to sit with it. I have no other choice.

I'm on the fence about recovery.

I finally have a job I like and it pays quite well :- ) and I'm getting by with my ED right now so it's hard to be all gung ho about recovery when I feel like I am being successful right now -- I don't feel dysfunctional anymore...

it's weird.


xoxo -Lisa

3 comments:

  1. You have a job you like, and your kitty babies, right? Hang on to that for now. Peace. Middlechid

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  2. I think learning to be alone and be content is a great skill, I've learnt how hard it can be this year.
    Hope you're alright.
    xxxx

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  3. It is so great that you have a job you enjoy! But at the same time it can be painful to feel all alone. Maybe it is time to take a bold chance and reach out to someone. Like call an old friend and ask to get coffee and make it a ritual every Tuesday afternoon or something like that. I recommend the Starbucks iced Green Tea! So refreshing. But you are in my thoughts girl.

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"Feeling are ephemeral, so is life. We’re here one moment and we’re gone the next. If you keep living trying to protect yourself, nothing is every going to touch you."