I have NO concept of my perceived body image. It's so frustrating. I was always positive about what I saw in the mirror...I didn't realize that the only reason I believed what I saw was because of the number on the scale that backed it up. Now I have no scale. I HAVE NO IDEA what i look like. It's been...barely over 2 weeks since I've been weighed and it feels like 1 year thus I also feel like I probably gained 10lbs. Rationally, I know it's probably not true but I have NO idea what my mirror or clothes are telling me. Just because something is too big- I don't remember when it was too big. I'm petrified to knowhow much I might actually weight. I'd be relieved if it was close to what I wanted but I'm not expecting that. I don't know. I really don't know. This is forcing me to sit and debate "if i CAN eat [ blank food ]. " I always look at the time of day to see how many hours I have left in the day and how much more I might eat. This is fucking stupid, the only time I should ask if I CAN eat anything is if I'm allergic to it, not because I'm scared of it. SHOULD I eat [insert food] is obviously a better question. This is tiring and frustrating the shit out of me....but I'm trying. I believe I defintely AM eating enough though, it's just the unending debate before I decide to do the right thing.
THAT NEEDS TO STOP. i want it to stop. Hopefully when I start work, it will lessen...because I'll be busier.
xoxo -Lisa
But hopefully being busier doesn't mean you make yourself too busy to eat. You can do it, you can do this, am we can hang out soon. :)
ReplyDeleteHopefully that made sense...haha, I need to get off this fucking bus.
<3 stay strong. Miss yaaaa.