I can look at the mirror and not hate myself. I don't LOVE it but I think it's al-right. Not perfect, but I can live with it. I take this body over the mental anguish and shit that ED brings into my life.
I was too scared that I had overshoot the weight that my nutritionist gave me by a ridiculous amount of weight so my eating habits were ALL over the god damn place and not stable in ANY manner- not healthy. I was jumping back and forth between SHIT and nothing. Instead, I'm pretty much right about at that range. I'm sick of playing with my metabolism and eating shit instead of just eating meals like normal people do. Nutritious meals with healthy fats AND nutrients and ALSO the occasional piece of junk if I want it.
MODERATION- grey- not black and white. I can't just color totally inside my strict lines but I also can't just scribble all over the page. I can't just restrict and use symptoms and I can't just let myself go. I can eat when I'm hungry- which I still have to figure out hunger cues.
i can do this.
xoxo -Lisa
God, I know exactly what you mean. The first thing my therapist had me do was get rid of my scale. I had my roommate hide it and when I relapsed I made up an excuse to get it back. But miraculously it was broken. So I just have a $10 dial scale. But I do the same thing with eating shit. I just have days where I'm like "god, I have to eat something. I need enough calories." so I'll eat chips and cookies or whatever, but never anything nutritious. Still working on finding that balance...
ReplyDeletehey girl, your gorgeous! why else do you have guys hitting on you every place you go?? hehe. anyways, when you learn to eat healthy maybe i can get a few tips off of you - why does the healthy stuff cost so god damn much?!? stupid college allowance. . . ;)
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