I was able to do the right thing and eat....and then at the end of the night...proceed to ruin my day by eating 2 brownies...I just need to remind myself that 2 brownies is okay. I'm not going to purge it and it's okay. it's okay. it's okay. fml. it's okay.
.but I woke up feeling gross and still feel gross---avoiding the mirror. I've realized that w/out having my scale I can't grasp how I feel my body looks. I based how my body looked off a number on the scale. I feel like if i were to step on one of those things now it'd be 20lb more than the last time I stepped on it so I am literally petrified of scales right now.
I realized today that it's only been one week since I left ACE. I feel like it's been a year...and I feel like so much time has passed and I've eaten so much. I know this is sounding ridiculous. I just have no concept of time at the moment. I'm really glad I'm going to go in and make a schedule tomorrow. I really need some structure. This week without any structure has left me sitting here twiddling my thumbs bored as shit and losing all concept of time. I seriously feel like last week was one month ago.
I need structure...
xoxo -Lisa
<3 you can do this. you're amazing and strong and I MISS YOU SO MUCH.
ReplyDeleteI'm so so proud of you. And I think that structure will definitely help! Things will be hard, but will get easier over time. I love you!
ReplyDeleteit sounds hard, but you're doing amazing!!!love you :)
ReplyDeleteJust believe in yourself and you can do it ;) <3
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