It's been a while...

...since I've updated and yes okay so 3 days but to me that's quite a while. I've been busy with work. I honestly really like work. I get anxious the day before I have to go but then I get there and I"m fine. I'm a little nervous to be working more hours like I'm going to start.

I've grown a lot more keen to all the details in my life. I've noticed a lot of things. I'm becoming an adult, but I'm really not yet. I'm really still a girl....trying to be an adult.

I miss certain people that are basically gone out of my life. I didn't expect it....I'm not used to feeling anything but anger, irritability and frustration. I was able to block out the sadness and </3 feelings with symptoms. Crying wasn't even an option because I couldn't cry unless I was so incredibly frustrated. I rarely cried out of sadness. Now that I'm using symptoms less and less...I'm crying a lot more. In front of people even. I keep bawling during my session with Nancy since she told me about her leave. I can't think about it without being scared and bawling. great. now i'm just one big crying ...awesome person. hah.

It's amazing some of the feeling that one can feel without even realizing it when I'm not building giant walls up. Granted, this doesn't mean I like all the feelings, they aren't easy to deal with but much easier than I imagined...well okay, not really....they are hard as hell to deal with. crying is heartbreaking. But crying is part of being alive. I need to remember that.

I'm still young and I have time to get it all right. Usually, after all is said and done, more is said than done. 

xoxo -Lisa