...i was able to be calmed down

without drugs or talking to one of my therapists. I have an AMAZING friend who can really help ( and I KNOW a great support system beyond just her ) . But what is important is that I was triggered into an anxiety/panic attack by insurance details and money issues which I have always been sensitive to.

My parents are supporting me in all of this treatment which by no means is cheap. I was worried that the cost of treatment is compromising my little sister's future and the rest of my family. I was in a legitimate panic. I didn't feel like I was worth all the money that's being put into my recovery

BUT I was able to calm down. I am no longer panicking or feeling extreme anxiety. Believe it or not, I'm feeling CALM. peaceful. I feel a 180 from where I was one hour ago. How did I do this? I'm sitting here processing it so I can have something to pull on if this ever happens again.

I reached out to a close friend that I spoke to and was legitimately worried and to calm her down I agreed to call the emergency ACE line to my therapist, so I know tomorrow I will have to talk about what happened. I know tomorrow is the team meeting at ACE ( and I am hoping that I was able to be calmed and avoid some more intense anxiety will work in my advantage instead of disadvantage...) I calmed down before she called me back and when she did call me. I was able to say I had done it w/out her. :)

I processed what happened, how I calmed down. 


1) I realized what was making me panic- the financial burden on my family due to the cost of treatment and in case I have to leave for residential- the cost of THAT. I was worried how much I was compromising the living conditions of my family.


2) So, in order to calm that part of me down- I called the a source i trusted- my dad. I was honest and asked him honest questions so I could rationally put the legitimate worry out of my head. He convinced me that going to Emory another year would be more expensive that what I'm doing now. That helped a lot. But it didn't calm me down completely.


3)I reached out even more and called my friend back that I originally called. I REACHED OUT ( rare for me ) and I processed why I felt why I felt like I wasn't worth the money. We talked about it. I calmed down and realized how my logic was not the rational logic I thought it was. 

WITH THE HELP OF A WONDERFUL FRIEND ,MY DAD OH AND MYSELF...no drugs, no individual therapist...

I CALMED DOWN. I am going to go into ACE tomorrow and give it my all for the next 3 weeks and kick this. I'm going to do this. The fact that I just did what I did tonight gives me hope that I CAN DO THIS. I can kick this.

i haven't felt this proud of myself in a long time nor this calm in a while. I finally feel like I'm going down the right path- and I feel hope. Now I'm just hoping and praying ACE will think the same. 3 weeks...