personal relations

I took me a long time to realize how much people can help me. People hurt people, people break hearts, people fall in love, people make each other's day, people disappoint others, people give others hope. PEOPLE AFFECT PEOPLE. and it's not always a bad thing....there is a lesson learned in all of these. people need other people. people can give others freedom and peace. people can teach others to let go of certain things.

I'm learning through my great support system that they are helping me learn to trust, they stick around and I know I am not that easy to be around at times. I am actively working on-not pushing/questioning things so incredibly intensely and pushing them into corners .

My support system is also human and sometimes outside circumstances disappoint me. In the immediate moment, I question their authenticity but then I realize, what is the point? I'm only throwing myself into a boxed prison. I need to realize that same people that can disappoint me can give me hope that one day I will be able to have healthy anxiety when it comes to people relations.

I still find it amazing how many positives and negatives can come out of personal relations. freedom. disappointment. hurt, trust, love. too many things. too many. it's overwhelming sometimes to me since it's so very new to me. too much reality.

Even with these great things those around me can do. Sometimes I just want a blanket, book, music and my kittens. My blanket is always soft and comfortable. The book is stable, the words will never change and I just love my kittens. What the blanket, book and my kittens can do for me ( help me feel grounded and stable ), people can do for me too...at certain times. they can offer me the freedom and trust I want so badly. They can help me LEARN how to help calm myself down I know they can't do it all.  Recovery is ME. ME trusting others to help me learn but still ME.

Each step that someone takes really does leave a mark somewhere....something does follow our footsteps and words.