verbal beatdown-disrespect

without a doubt...in my mind I think I would win most verbal beatdowns. no, i'm almost sure I would. I CAN VOICE MYSELF QUITE CLEARLY when I GET PISSED OFF AND DISRESPECTED. i will let the person know very bluntly. Yes, at ACE I am learning to do it respectfully instead of immediately acting out and flipping my shit when I get upset or just shutting down completely and crawling into a hole. It's part of my awesome contract

BUT THIS WEEK HAS BEEN THE HARDEST  WEEK OF MY RECOVERY ( worst that the first week I started at ACE ) by hardest I mean most challenging.  It's been a ridiculous challenge due to a new patient at ACE- that I'm not sure if I'm making progress or if I'm slipping because of it. I know my weight has been slipping but my acting out may have been improving.( i hope and I've been told by a few therapists...*keep your fingers crossed* ) He has been very disrespectful to me-- I have NEVER had someone speak to me with such disrespect where I have not been able to say what I want to just say....or lash out long enough for me to feel satisfied and calm. I have been doing my best at not acting out and not just being impulsive with my anger.

I have seen him overstep people ( and mine )'s ( who i care deeply about ) emotional boundaries and limits and does not know WHEN THE SHUT THE FUCK UP. I will say my opinion and lately I've been making sure that what I say is said respectfully and that I am not speaking impulsively- think before I speak.  

I NEED A GOD DAMN PUNCHING BAG. The fact that my recovery may be hindered by a douchebag is pissing me off. I'm not the only one at ACE that thinks that either. 

my anxiety towards not being able to let out all of my anger/ frustration on this person who is hindering my recover is making me need a punching bag or some giant giant pillows.

YANO WHAT- FUCK HIM. I'm not going to let him ruin my weekend until I have to see him Tuesday.

i'm going to have a good weekend. I'm making sure of that. I will wake up on the right side of the bed this weekend and it will be a good one. I won't have to see or deal with douchebag. I get to see someone I really enjoy spending time with tomorrow night, I get to hang out w/some awesome girls Saturday and I think I'm seeing a great friend of mine from Emory on Sunday.

I WILL NOT HAVE AN EMOTIONALLY DRAINING WEEKEND. I'm just going to have fun. I'm not going to doubt words, drain other people, trust. I AM JUST GOING TO HAVE FUN GODDAMIT. I'm not going to worry too much about my eating disorder and just try and concentrate on less serious things just for the weekend and HAVE SOME GOD DAMN FUN.