Addison suggested that I upload my videos onto this blog. This is my latest video- I have a few more that I haven't updated. Just check them out on my webpage if you'd like -youtube personal page
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Yesterday night I was speaking to one of my friends and she was telling me- yes, grieve all I need to over Nancy being gone but... I have to trust myself that I'm going to make it through this period. Nancy is supposed to call and be back in 1 1/2 weeks. I can do this.
On the other side of things... I'm attempting to fight the nasty ED voice..it's just been a lot harder to. I'm stuck on a set diet again- but I'm trying to add new more things to it. I refuse to purge anymore. The amount that I was purging was absolutely ridiculous and totally unnecessary. I doubt it did anything for me that was positive in any way. NO POINT AT ALL. My blood work is supposed to get mailed to my parents at some point- the last time I got blood work done- things were generally...okay. Keyword generally-my thyroid was messed up. shit. I just want my metabolism back. I want this all to end. Thus, I need to...eat on a schedule. Listening to my body isn't going to do anything bc my body either wants nothing or everything. black and white. love it.
I can relate so much! I am, unfortunately, very familiar with that ED voice. It's such a jerk. Ha. And I want my metabolism back too.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're refusing to purge. I know you know this, but it has awful effects on the body. There's a girl in my eating disorder group who has very severe bulimia and she has no teeth. No teeth. I've purged a very small number of times in my life, but after seeing the effects it could have I don't want to try anymore. You are incredibly beautiful, and purging will only damage things. (I hope this didn't sound preachy-- that's not what I intend at all. I know you know purging is bad. Hell, all eating disorders are bad and can and do kill.)
Alright, I'll stop rambling.
Wishing you well,
NOS
Good job not purging... that's a big step! : ) You're doing great, even though I know you're going through a rough period.
ReplyDeleteStay strong!
The few times I've tried vlogging it's turned out WAY MORE awkward than this! So good job! Keep uploading videos because they're fun.
ReplyDeleteThat's a good idea to upload your videos to your blog- it's easier to watch them that way.
ReplyDeleteKeep fighting the ED.
Take care,
Cassie x
Good job on the video. I definitely think it's easier to see them here and keep up with them when you make them.
ReplyDeleteI remember the days of to purge or not to purge...sometimes I still struggle, but it's more of a fleeting issue now that comes at certain times rather than an all the time issue.
Totally get your attachment to Nancy. I have the same with my therapist. Honestly, it's the worst part of my issues -- attachments.
Thanks for sharing this, Lisa. I look forward to checking out more of your vids! Hang in there. Personally, I can't wait until my therapist returns (next week). *hugs*
ReplyDelete