discovered a new word...and....treatment team change....

I am not satisfied with my psych right now. I think he's got me on the right meds but I just don't really connect with him. I discovered a new word today when talking with Jamie. I called him a cunthead. He doesn't match up to Dr. Moore at all or..we really just don't click or...I'll never like another psych other than Dr. Moore..because of my awesome attachment problems.

So, I went back to the emails that Dr. Moore and I exchanged and of course now I'm super upset about the fact I can't see him... but...he recommended this one chick...and apparently she doesn't exist on google. I tried someone else on the list and she doesn't exist on google either. WHAT THE FUCK. Why do psychs not have business websites?

I'm not sure about switching psychs because I don't want a change in my cocktail of meds. Messing around with meds...SUCK. But I sit in my psych's office right now... mostly silent. Talking to him is like pulling teeth. I just don't want to, unless I'm freaking the fuck out. Plus, him and Nancy have never talked and i think that's weird...since Dr. Moore and Nancy spoke regularly.

I hate my treatment getting fucked around with which is what is happening now. Of course, part of it is my own doing...but I really think switching psychs is the right decision. I want to be comfortable with my psych... Nancy is switching to Amy... psych is going to switch... okay, so for the next few weeks basically, I'll most likely be seeing a new team, even thought I know Amy- she's as she calls herself "therapist b"- She's not Nancy.

THREE MORE SESSIONS. fuck. 9 days before I don't see her for 20+ days...  

I have this habit that I'm sure my doctors LOVE of hiding my face behind whatever sort of object I can find. Usually, it's a pillow, sometimes my sweatshirt and even my hands if I can't find anything else. MATURE. I KNOW.  When I was at ACE- Amy only allowed me ONE pillow in her group bc I would often take two giant ones and a blanket. Currently, I want those two giant pillows and blanket back...I just want to slowly slip away for a bit. Part of me feels like if I don't get to see Nancy, I'd rather isolate and hide out. it's going to be winter break for most of my friends anyway, so half my friends will be out of the state....so I feel like it is a possible option, it's horridly tempting. Too bad running from Amy is practically impossible. 

xoxo -Lisa