Home. where the "heart" is

I'm watching this documentary called American Teen which was filmed in Warsaw, Indiana. It is very reminiscent of high school. It was filmed in Indiana. I'm from indiana- suburbia. Warsaw doesn't seem as suburban as Carmel was but.... granted. I grew up in suburbia. If anyone has ever seen the tv show Weeds. the theme song "Little Boxes" by Malvina Reynolds--> perfect song about my neighborhood.

Little boxes on the hillside, Little boxes made of ticky tacky,1 Little boxes on the hillside, Little boxes all the same. There's a green one and a pink one And a blue one and a yellow one, And they're all made out of ticky tacky And they all look just the same. And the people in the houses All went to the university, Where they were put in boxes And they came out all the same, And there's doctors and lawyers, And business executives, And they're all made out of ticky tacky And they all look just the same. And they all play on the golf course And drink their martinis dry, And they all have pretty children And the children go to school, And the children go to summer camp And then to the university, Where they are put in boxes And they come out all the same. And the boys go into business And marry and raise a family In boxes made of ticky tacky And they all look just the same. There's a green one and a pink one And a blue one and a yellow one, And they're all made out of ticky tacky And they all look just the same. The more I watch of this film, I didn't go through a lot of the typical shit that happens in high school. I never was the middle of a giant rumor throughout the entire school but there were people where rumors were spread and everyone knew about it. The bullying that goes on...I never did and never really experienced. I was lucky enough to not experience bullying in high school or middle school. If I was ever..it wasn't intense enough for me to remember... but I'm not surprised at all by what I'm watching in this documentary.  Not only does this make me sure I have found my home here in Atlanta, but I have no real desire to go back to the midwest.  I HAVE FINALLY FOUND SOMEWHERE where i feel like I'm rooted. Here, where I am today... I've moved so many times in my childhood, I never cared about where I lived. I just learned to adapt.  When I was in college, I felt like I was just there for my education but during these past few months, when I haven't been in school and have been actually LIVING for no other reason than choice... I really feel at home. I've gone through some of roughest months of my life here ad maybe that is why I feel rooted here. I've grown so much here and realized a lot...in this very apt I am right now. I plan/want to move to Dunwoody next fall and really start living my life as an adult. I finally feel like this is a real option.  I am tapering out of groups at ACE and if things go according to plan... which I hope they do, I will continue to progress. I haven't mentally felt this good in a long time. I feel functional again. I feel as if I really will be able to take classes in the spring and finally live again.  now, sometimes...I wonder if I ever had a true all out eating disorder...because I never lost my period or had hair fall out. I almost feel as if I failed at having an eating disorder and the biggest reason I had issues for the last few months were really my problems with my head...although I really want to go back to the way I was- emotionally "untouchable" and could really focus on what I think matters, such as my career and school. I still am uncomfortable with the idea of  interpersonal relationships affecting my life. I have learned that I need to deal w/them and that they are a part of life, but I don't want my life to rely on them. That's still where I feel like I'm fighting what Nancy M, Amy SB and ACE is telling me...

xoxo -Lisa