...I'm just that difficult. But, I don't regret anything. I got kicked out of ACE because they had found solid proof that I was "subgrouping" as in being friends with the girls outside of ACE. Yeah, well I don't regret a damn thing because I have made some awesome friends who have done nothing but encourage me this entire time I've been dealing with this. I know I will still have the friends and honestly, I feel like I'm in an okay place to get a job, something simple, and just do individual and if I start to fall downhill, there are other options here in Atlanta. If ACE can't handle me, then there's Ridgeview but I really think I can do it w/out groups and just the support of my Nancy, my parents and my amazing friends.I still am in shock that I got kicked out of a treatment center. I broke a rule and I got caught. In all honesty, I'm also glad out of everyone it could have been that it was me because I believe I am in a place where I am able to recover with the resources I have. But I really do somehow legit feel positive and KNOW I CAN STILL DO THIS.
And ... even in group the other day- i said I didn't believe/understand what love really was. I'm calling my own bullshit on that one now. I've never felt more loved by the wonderful friends I have and I could not have made these friends without ACE and ACE groups have helped but it is time to leave. I know what love is now, i know what it feels like to have others behind me and to have them care. So, if anything-- thank you ACE for helping me learn what love was- too bad I had to break one of your rules to learn but I'm thankful I learned that love can be obtained by more than just one friend. That I can be loved by many and I can also give it back now without being afraid of getting in trouble. so fuck you ACE for that rule because breaking it helped me and never was once something that was unhealthy. but if any lesson also learned- if i need to break rules to gt something out of where I am- i may not be in the right place... and i have received a lot out of ACE- they have offered me some awesome support but like I said earlier..it may just not be the place for me and I need to learn to stick to rules more...even if I don't agree to them. but still. I got good results.Now i'm off to send ..9000 resumes to random places hoping I get a job- anyone know anyplace that's hiring?
xoxo -Lisa
Fuuuck that. I am glad you are so happy and have friends that mean so much to you. We should hang out more!
ReplyDelete<3 Allix
i'm really glad you're looking at it positively. and i'm glad you made such good friends that you can still keep in contact with...
ReplyDeletejust don't ever ever ever forget to use their support.
and good luck on the job front. :)
<3
Hey, I've never met you, but I was at ACE for a while and the weird rules were part of why I left. They kicked you out for making friends? That's complete and utter bullshit. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI've been doing pretty well, actually. At least in terms of using symptoms. I still have issues with depression and anxiety, but I sort of felt like I'd hit a wall at ACE. Once I stopped using symptoms regularly, it was like the therapists didn't know what to do with me. I've been starting to consider finding another therapist who won't just focus on the ED. I don't think I'd ever go back to ACE. I never felt comfortable there, and I was never actually informed of the rules when I started groups! I would just get reprimanded when I would break a rule that I didn't know I existed. They were helpful for a while, but I knew it wasn't somewhere I'd stay long-term. Hope you don't hit too big of a snag with this treatment shock!
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